a misty rained out day, chalky and grey, brought myself and a few others from the Vs Magazine team, including fashion director Vibe Dabelsteen uptown to 5th avenue to the flagship doors of Guess. a celebration indeed showcasing former Vs Magazine cover model Claudia Schiffer and Guess’s 30 year anniversary, as she was one of the original Guess girls. did i mention, she was shot by Ellen von Unwerth ? (yeah. just marinate on that – genius and a regular contributor to Vs Magazine) music, special limited edition pieces, mini macaroons, signature red, black, and white candy, live model mannequins, champagne, good company and a first i’ve seen…something they call, “a fair & honest appraisal of your appearance” by The Bumpys. everyone lined up, and i wondered if this was really worthwhile. convinced by Vibe, fellow Vs member Martin and i took our chances. The Bumpys were iconically dressed in fiery red wigs, white framed shades, and bandanas for masks. they sat, a team, whisking away at their typewriting tools. as each person moved up, they simply lifted their heads, paused for the slightest moment and then went madly away at the keys…typing away their evaluations of each individual. i wondered what they would say. what would a complete stranger have to say about me. and soon enough…i got the report. and it made me smile indeed.
“I don’t think anyone told me that Niki Minaj is starring in Grease. OH wait. Maybe not. Basically what I’m saying is you’re way to cool to be here and you cross genres and oceans and what not?…Go to Paris. Go to Milan. Slap Naomi Cambell in the face and jusst say: I’m here b*itch. Take it or leave. Bravo: overal rating: 9.4″